into the light
i want to live. not just exist. truly live.
i want to wake to the dawn touching my eyelids through an open window. i want to feel rain on my skin. i want to feel like nature is swallowing me whole.
i want to open myself up to the world and allow everything to come rushing in.
i want to walk into the waves and no longer be afraid of them. i want the salt to sting my lips and remind me that I’m right here, right now, and for that moment to be all that matters.
i want a space of my own where i can just be me. i want fairy lights over my bed, tiny points of light that only serve to make the darkness deeper. i want to find out who i am when i’m alone.
i’ve let him control my life for far too long. i’ve let him drain my happiness, my confidence. i’ve let him drag me down with him, into the shadows where he wants to stay. i’ve tried for so long to pull him back up into the light with me but you can’t help someone who truly doesn’t want to be helped.
i want to face the pain and the loss and the sadness and still be okay, still realise that despite it all, I’m still here, and that’s what counts.
i want to start living again.
i just need to take that step out into the unknown.
Life is too short just to exist, hun. All relationships go through their ups and downs but to feel as if you cannot be yourself within a relationship means that you are wasting time. Each of us only has a finite time on the planet and to live under a shadow is a waste of that time. Start being truly honest, with yourself, with him and if he doesn’t want to crawl out from that rock, you may have to do it alone.
It makes me so sad to see you in pain like this.