scared
i think i’m moving out tomorrow.
i found a room in a share house with two other girls, it seems okay i guess. not really a home but at least somewhere to stay.
i told him all of this last night… everything, all the things i’ve been thinking and feeling, how i feel like i’ve tried every other possible way of fixing things between us and that nothing is working. and that living apart is the only other thing i can think of trying.
he didn’t get angry. he didn’t get upset. he just seemed tired… of all of this. he said that he’s sorry that i’m unhappy, but that he doesn’t know how to change that. and that he doesn’t think that living apart will help, but he can sort of understand how i might think that.
and then he said that he doesn’t expect me to stay with him, because he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to give me what i want. and that maybe he’s just not the right person for me. but that despite that, he still wants to be with me.
even though i’ve been thinking these things, it still hurts a lot to hear them said out loud. especially coming from him.
i put so much into my relationships. i try so hard, for so long, to make them work. i probably stay in them far longer than i really should, because i keep hoping that against all the odds, things will somehow work out in the end. even when i know deep down that it’s extremely unlikely, i still hope.
i can’t help it.
and now i can’t eat. i can’t sleep. i feel sick in every part of me. i’m terrified that i might be making the wrong decision. what if there isn’t really a problem with the relationship… what if i’m the problem?
i just feel so lost.
I know exactly how this feels.
I did the same thing not long ago & it was almost like an emotionless response. I wanted anger, tears – SOMETHING to show he cares. Passion is the best word I guess. And I got “It’s up to you”. And I stayed. I thought because he now knew how I felt that something would change. But it hasn’t. And I know it won’t. So now I’m back to the start again. But 7 years is a long time to walk away from.
Wishing you all the strength in the world. x.
I admire your strength to take a very scary step toward happiness and doing what’s right for you. I really hope it all turns out ok, that you get happier and start to rebuild.
I’m sure it’s one of, if not the, hardest decision you;ve ever had to make.
*Hugs*
Sometimes something as simple as a hug can make it all seem better.
Hope there’s someone close to you to supply you with many of them.
Be strong.
You are not alone.
We all go through times like this. And although it won’t make a difference to you right now, you will get through this. I have
Reading that brings back all the memories of my ex boyfriend’s reaction and how we were… He almost thought I was joking at one point towards the end and then we both realised we weren’t happy. I hope you are okay and you are moving on, having friends around really really helps keep your mind off things although it sounds as though you are moving on now from your recent post! Good luck